allbingo | Winterfest in July Is closed

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Winterfest in July Is closed

spiralicious and I would like to thank everyone who participated in July's bingo. We'll have banners up as soon as we can manage them. They have limited internet and I am in south Florida and there is a hurricane on its way. As always, there will be the generic “I made a bingo” banner that anyone who completes a bingo later can grab and show off.

We hope to see you back here in October when spiralicious and I will be co-hosting Halloween / Samhain Bingo once more.

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I had fun with this.

That's great! Thanks for participating and allowing us to host.

Can I finish my story this month? I had a close family death in July and didn't have the mental state to finish. I still have 3 prompts lest to get a black out.

My condolences. I have written some posts you might find helpful:

Dealing with Grief
https://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/11046584.html

Grief Questionnaire
https://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/11047617.html

Thank you so much. The grief counselor was supposed to call, but hasn't yet. Probably next week. I thought writing might help.

>>Thank you so much.<<

Welcome.

>> The grief counselor was supposed to call, but hasn't yet. Probably next week.<<

Well that's useless as tits on a boar. >_<

>> I thought writing might help. <<

Often it does. Writing down emotions can vent them enough to relieve the pressure so the remainder feels less intense. Writing is also good for contextualizing grief, making it a part of your life story -- the time you walked together, the time of parting, the future in which stock up stories to share when you reunite at the end of your own life. America is rather bad at this stuff, but other cultures have done better.

Fiction writing is great because you can show characters doing it right, or taking care of each other, or whatever floats your boat. You can write sad stories to sit with a feeling or happy ones to counteract your sadness. Do what works for you.

If you like the idea of writing, consider a grief journal or memorial scrapbook. There are some resources for this stuff if you don't want to start from scratch.

Grief Journal
https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-journal-can-picking-a-grief-journal-really-be-this-hard/

https://journaltherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/Article-KA-Managing-Grief-through-Journal-Writing.pdf

https://healingbrave.com/blogs/all/grief-journaling-prompts

Memorial Scrapbook

https://www.scrapbook.com/articles/after-loss

https://dying.lovetoknow.com/coping-grief/memory-books-bereavement

https://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Memorial-Scrapbook

https://www.usurnsonline.com/funeral-resources/funeral-hacks-crowdsource-your-memorial-scrapbook/

http://scrapbook--pages.blogspot.com/2013/04/creative-scrapbook-ideas-for-memorial.html

Timeline
https://www.createwritenow.com/journal-writing-blog/bid/94651/writing-therapy-exercise-make-a-life-timeline

https://venngage.com/blog/timeline-template/

I also found this big list of ideas for celebrating a loved one's life:
https://www.loveliveson.com/100-best-celebration-of-life-ideas-2/

One of the most painful aspects of grief is the ragged edge of loss, a connection disconnected so that it disrupts daily life. A well-managed mourning process gathers up those ragged edges and tacks them down so they'll heal cleanly, protects the tender heart while it heals, and creates new patterns to accommodate the loss. Without that, people keep tripping over the loose ends longer, and sometimes get downright stuck in grief. So if you know what the purpose of grief is (to mark a meaningful relationship at the parting point) and the goals of mourning (to organize memories and feelings so they can enrich life with their experience instead of holding you back) then that facilitates moving through the process.

Oh, and if someone tells you that grief is depression? Tell them to fuck right off. These things are not the same, even though they have some of the same symptoms. It is totally normal to have no energy, focus, or happy thoughts for several weeks after someone died. It's totally normal to be a complete basket case for a few days to a week. The worrying symptoms to watch for, which are getting lost in the push to pathologize everything, are: 1) if the symptoms don't start to break up after a few weeks or months, depending on your patience with grief and the depth of relationship, 2) if the symptoms get progressively worse over time, or 3) if you're unable to function at a level and duration that make you uncomfortable. In that case, it's complicated grief, which needs different care than depression.

You will be done with grief when you're done, and telling you to hurry up or cheer up are the opposite of helpful. A good grief counselor will ask about your mourning skills and offer to teach new ones if you're not satisfied with your current set. A good friend will let you cry on them and bring you fuzzy things. Bad ones will try to make you stop acting sad before you are done mourning. Grief is a universal human experience and should be respected as such.

Thank you. I'll be interested to reading the links. All I do is sleep, not sleep, and try to sort this mess from hell. I'm hoping to write. That has to help. I'm calling the charity truck tomorrow so I don't have to look at all this stuff. That doesn't help either. At least I can be grateful that we're not getting a direct hit from Isaias. I need to feel grateful for something and I am very grateful for that.

Every little bit helps.

For feeling overwhelmed: Has anyone offered help? If so, you can keep a list of tasks that anyone could do, and have them do that stuff, saving your energy for things only you can do.

For gratitude: Some people find it useful to write down what they're grateful for, even little stuff like not getting caught in a storm or having a cup of tea.

I've actually had quite a few people offer to help. I just don't know what they can do besides what they have been, letting me talk it out. It's been a godsend. I wish I knew what they could do that is concrete.

I should try the gratitude journal again.

>> I've actually had quite a few people offer to help.<<

Okay, great.

>> I just don't know what they can do besides what they have been, letting me talk it out. It's been a godsend. I wish I knew what they could do that is concrete.<<

Among the most common:
* Driving you places
* Grocery shopping
* Picking up mail / packages
* Running other errands around town
* Cooking or bringing meals
* Laundry
* Feeding pets / watering plants
* Other housekeeping

The idea is to take the weight off, so you don't have to focus on practical things when it's hard to remember what needs doing and what the steps are. You need to concentrate on grieving so it gets done right and doesn't deep-fry your life for years on end.

There are two typical ways to do this, when it is hard to think of what might help. 1) Look at lists of "things that help" and then write down those items that sound useful to you. 2) As you're going through the day, write down stuff you don't have time for, or wish you didn't have to do, that someone else could do.

https://mysideof50.com/help-when-someone-dies/

http://unspokengrief.com/7-practical-ways-to-help-your-grieving-friend/

>> I should try the gratitude journal again. <<

Good idea. The simplest is just to write down 3 things you are grateful for. If you like prompts, though, there are lots of gratitude journals for that:

https://www.intelligentchange.com/blogs/news/the-ultimate-guide-to-keeping-a-gratitude-journal

https://www.developgoodhabits.com/gratitude-journal-prompts/

https://diaryofajournalplanner.com/daily-gratitude-journal-prompts/

https://www.developgoodhabits.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/The-90-Day-Gratitude-Journal_Final-V2.pdf

There are also apps if you like that sort of thing:
https://www.happierhuman.com/gratitude-app/

I like prompts. I'm going to have to check those out.

I don't mind the mundane stuff. It's the stuff that they can't do that is driving me around the bend. I've pretty much given up until I get death certificates. I'm pretty much screwed until I get those. It's the bureaucracy that's terrible. Getting bills into my name, etc. And I'll have to do the house myself. She was pretty much a hoarder, though a very neat one. Everything was behind doors. At least the local charities are going to benefit as will the food bank.

>>It's the stuff that they can't do that is driving me around the bend.<<

There are people who specialize in helping with that part, some volunteer, some professional. Ask at funeral parlors or hospices to find them.

>> I've pretty much given up until I get death certificates. I'm pretty much screwed until I get those.<<

Sensible.

>> I'll have to do the house myself. She was pretty much a hoarder, though a very neat one. Everything was behind doors. At least the local charities are going to benefit as will the food bank.<<

At least try to get someone to sit with your for that part. You may have to make decisions, but someone else could carry things, box them, call places to say their pile is ready, bring you snacks and tissues, etc. It's not a good job to do alone, just for emotional reasons.

At least try to get someone to sit with your for that part. You may have to make decisions, but someone else could carry things, box them, call places to say their pile is ready, bring you snacks and tissues, etc. It's not a good job to do alone, just for emotional reasons.

If we weren't having a pandemic, I'd be all over that idea. Lots of distancing around here. I have crappy lungs and the people volunteering to help are all in the endangered age group. Someone did make me muffins which were very tasty and someone else took an item to donate that was too big for my car. I may ask her to do the same with some other stuff. I can put it in the driveway like I did the other item.

I replied to you on another post, but I want to make sure you see it.

I'm sorry for the late reply. My condolences. Feel free to finish your card as your mental state allows, however long that might take. Vexed is also making sure you get a banner for your blackout to claim when you are done.

Thank you. I did see the other post and answered it, but I wanted you to know that I did see it. Thank you again.

Thanks to everyone who participated! Hope to see you in October!

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Winterfest in July Is closed

Thank you!

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