>> The grief counselor was supposed to call, but hasn't yet. Probably next week.<<
Well that's useless as tits on a boar. >_<
>> I thought writing might help. <<
Often it does. Writing down emotions can vent them enough to relieve the pressure so the remainder feels less intense. Writing is also good for contextualizing grief, making it a part of your life story -- the time you walked together, the time of parting, the future in which stock up stories to share when you reunite at the end of your own life. America is rather bad at this stuff, but other cultures have done better.
Fiction writing is great because you can show characters doing it right, or taking care of each other, or whatever floats your boat. You can write sad stories to sit with a feeling or happy ones to counteract your sadness. Do what works for you.
If you like the idea of writing, consider a grief journal or memorial scrapbook. There are some resources for this stuff if you don't want to start from scratch.
One of the most painful aspects of grief is the ragged edge of loss, a connection disconnected so that it disrupts daily life. A well-managed mourning process gathers up those ragged edges and tacks them down so they'll heal cleanly, protects the tender heart while it heals, and creates new patterns to accommodate the loss. Without that, people keep tripping over the loose ends longer, and sometimes get downright stuck in grief. So if you know what the purpose of grief is (to mark a meaningful relationship at the parting point) and the goals of mourning (to organize memories and feelings so they can enrich life with their experience instead of holding you back) then that facilitates moving through the process.
Oh, and if someone tells you that grief is depression? Tell them to fuck right off. These things are not the same, even though they have some of the same symptoms. It is totally normal to have no energy, focus, or happy thoughts for several weeks after someone died. It's totally normal to be a complete basket case for a few days to a week. The worrying symptoms to watch for, which are getting lost in the push to pathologize everything, are: 1) if the symptoms don't start to break up after a few weeks or months, depending on your patience with grief and the depth of relationship, 2) if the symptoms get progressively worse over time, or 3) if you're unable to function at a level and duration that make you uncomfortable. In that case, it's complicated grief, which needs different care than depression.
You will be done with grief when you're done, and telling you to hurry up or cheer up are the opposite of helpful. A good grief counselor will ask about your mourning skills and offer to teach new ones if you're not satisfied with your current set. A good friend will let you cry on them and bring you fuzzy things. Bad ones will try to make you stop acting sad before you are done mourning. Grief is a universal human experience and should be respected as such.
Re: Thoughts
Welcome.
>> The grief counselor was supposed to call, but hasn't yet. Probably next week.<<
Well that's useless as tits on a boar. >_<
>> I thought writing might help. <<
Often it does. Writing down emotions can vent them enough to relieve the pressure so the remainder feels less intense. Writing is also good for contextualizing grief, making it a part of your life story -- the time you walked together, the time of parting, the future in which stock up stories to share when you reunite at the end of your own life. America is rather bad at this stuff, but other cultures have done better.
Fiction writing is great because you can show characters doing it right, or taking care of each other, or whatever floats your boat. You can write sad stories to sit with a feeling or happy ones to counteract your sadness. Do what works for you.
If you like the idea of writing, consider a grief journal or memorial scrapbook. There are some resources for this stuff if you don't want to start from scratch.
Grief Journal
https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-journal-can-picking-a-grief-journal-really-be-this-hard/
https://journaltherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/Article-KA-Managing-Grief-through-Journal-Writing.pdf
https://healingbrave.com/blogs/all/grief-journaling-prompts
Memorial Scrapbook
https://www.scrapbook.com/articles/after-loss
https://dying.lovetoknow.com/coping-grief/memory-books-bereavement
https://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Memorial-Scrapbook
https://www.usurnsonline.com/funeral-resources/funeral-hacks-crowdsource-your-memorial-scrapbook/
http://scrapbook--pages.blogspot.com/2013/04/creative-scrapbook-ideas-for-memorial.html
Timeline
https://www.createwritenow.com/journal-writing-blog/bid/94651/writing-therapy-exercise-make-a-life-timeline
https://venngage.com/blog/timeline-template/
I also found this big list of ideas for celebrating a loved one's life:
https://www.loveliveson.com/100-best-celebration-of-life-ideas-2/
One of the most painful aspects of grief is the ragged edge of loss, a connection disconnected so that it disrupts daily life. A well-managed mourning process gathers up those ragged edges and tacks them down so they'll heal cleanly, protects the tender heart while it heals, and creates new patterns to accommodate the loss. Without that, people keep tripping over the loose ends longer, and sometimes get downright stuck in grief. So if you know what the purpose of grief is (to mark a meaningful relationship at the parting point) and the goals of mourning (to organize memories and feelings so they can enrich life with their experience instead of holding you back) then that facilitates moving through the process.
Oh, and if someone tells you that grief is depression? Tell them to fuck right off. These things are not the same, even though they have some of the same symptoms. It is totally normal to have no energy, focus, or happy thoughts for several weeks after someone died. It's totally normal to be a complete basket case for a few days to a week. The worrying symptoms to watch for, which are getting lost in the push to pathologize everything, are: 1) if the symptoms don't start to break up after a few weeks or months, depending on your patience with grief and the depth of relationship, 2) if the symptoms get progressively worse over time, or 3) if you're unable to function at a level and duration that make you uncomfortable. In that case, it's complicated grief, which needs different care than depression.
You will be done with grief when you're done, and telling you to hurry up or cheer up are the opposite of helpful. A good grief counselor will ask about your mourning skills and offer to teach new ones if you're not satisfied with your current set. A good friend will let you cry on them and bring you fuzzy things. Bad ones will try to make you stop acting sad before you are done mourning. Grief is a universal human experience and should be respected as such.